Trials

I haven't posted since about this time last year.  I'm not sure what kept me from keeping up, but I've been wondering if this is what my brain needs.  Some place to purge my thoughts, my feelings & my frustrations.  The frustrations have been plaguing my mind lately & it's becoming somewhat depressing. I don't know why I just can't shake this shit off.  Perhaps it's the word "disappointment" that keeps replaying in my head.  Whether it's my mil's disappointment in me, in us (me & m) or that it's the disappointment that i now feel with her.

Disappointment is not a nice feeling what so ever.
   "the feeling of sadness or displeasure caused by the nonfulfillment of one's hopes or expectations"

I'm still bothered that i don't know exactly what it is that she was disappointed in.
  *That we left the kids while we went to Hawaii for 2 weeks
  *That my house wasn't up to her or my sister inlaws cleanliness standards
  *That my fridge & freezer wasn't empty
  *That i had forgotten to clean 2 pots on the stove
  *That i had clean dishes that were not put away
  *That i have paint stains on my dining room table
  *That my kids have a massive amount of things in their rooms
  *That my garage is full of clutter & boxes
  *That my craft room/laundry room had some left over dirty clothes left

I just don't know what it was & i'm still beating myself up over ALL of it.

How's about this for disappointment?
   I'm disappointed that I never had ANY help in preparing for our trip.
     Cleaning the house (obviously not to my inlaws standards)
     Packing for 3 of us to go on a trip
     Attending registration for HS, Attending orientations, parent/teacher conferences, welcome back bbqs & new kindergarten students.
     Preparing paperwork & registration forms
     Taking kids to check ups so they can attend school, play sports & keep up on immunizations
     Preparing finances for our trip, for our kids who were being left here & when we came back from our trip
   
And then, of all things, disappointment that so much shit happened in the first 18 hours of our trip that M had to come home. Finding out that after 14 months of living in this house, that I've been paying the WRONG amount for rent AND that i have to find this out when i'm not even in the same damn state & on supposed vacation.

What the fuck?!

 Disappointed that my kids now seem to think they don't need to do any chores.  Disappointed that I no longer feel that I can rely on my inlaws.  Disappointed that I no longer care to share my life & my love of hula with them.  Disappointed that I no longer care to involve them in my kids hula shows or performances.

And the best thing that came of my fucked few weeks? I suddenly have a husband who helps.  Helps take the kids to/from school, helps clean the house, helps with the baby.  Its fucking creepy.  And then when I ask what happened while I was gone....he says he doesn't know. When I asked again "well i had to take the kids to/from school & clean the house by myself" & when i asked if it was hard, he said "nope, it was easy.  you can work & i'll stay home."

Again disappointment.  This time bc it was like i don't do anything that's difficult. I thought he was going to say something like "he takes me for granted" or something similar.  But instead, it's a response like i'm just bad at what i do & can't seem to figure it out as good as he can.

What the fuck ever.

i think we need to re-kindle this relationship

i'm starting to feel like the whole pregnant brain-forgetful'ness is starting to get one up on me.  i can't seem to keep much straight anymore.  and it's not just a day to day thing, it's almost like an instant loss of memory with what i was JUST going to to.

for instance:

i opened the laptop, immediately opened up FB, got lost in it & forgot why i opened the laptop to begin with.  it wasn't to post here though.  it was to see if my purchase of our halau domain had indeed been completed.  it expired, i bought it again, it didn't show up in my "purchased" folder for almost a week, so after a ton of hate mail, it's in my folder now. now i need it to just function properly & i can begin that project.

project. project. project.  story of my pregnant life. i swear being pregnant brings out the crafty'ness or wanting to be crafty in me.

the current list looks like this:
*finish sewing projects promised to folks
*make a damn decision on the curtains for my craft room
*make throw pillow cases for my couch in my craft room
*make the diy bulletin board that i bought the supplies to make 2 weeks ago
*fix up Ry's playroom (soon to be baby room)
*decorate-arrange Ry's room
*put away, organize, decorate, arrange basement/man-cave
*put away, organize, decorate, arrange craft room

re-arranging/decorating the rooms in the house is indeed a project because i love to do it.  but i'm a visual person & more times than not i need to sit in the space & plan it out in my head, move some key pieces in the room to make sure it flows nicely, then go from there.  i've moved my craft space around at least 9 times.  i'm good with most of the placement of the big pieces in there so far, now it's just some of the smaller storage pieces that need to be placed & then clean it up & i'll be good.

i really wish i could've gotten ry into pre-k.  for her sake & for my own selfish reasons.  i believe she's ready for it.  i could've used the time to do the projects listed above.

i'm hoping i can come here & start to document my life as it goes by...i kinda miss it here.  just letting everything in my brain escape, whether anyone is reading or not.

i'm currently almost 5 1/2 months along with baby #3. i feel good unless i over eat, which happens too often. at night, my stomach is super hard & huge & it seems as soon as i lay down, the baby starts going bizzerk.  it's so funny.  last night it was up high in my stomach & i was massaging my stomach downwards with the tv remote trying to coax it downward & the it totally kicked the remote like "GET OUTTA HERE WITH THAT!"  also whats funny is that it seems as though i put someone's hand on my tummy to feel it kick, it stops. lol

anyhoo, off to hopefully get some shit done.  more tomorrow.

Oh the irony!!

I obviously don't frequent my blog as often as i should, but today when I came here, I realized the name of my URL & smiled.  I believe this blog was started when i was pregnant with Ry.  And here I am again.

Pregnant.  Again.  With #3.  Holy crap!

Today is actually my first pre-natal visit with Dr. Snyder & i'm looking forward to it.  I've known for about a month now, so it's nice to actually get in to the dr & see if all is ok.  I'm sure i'll be doing bloodwork & all that jazz too.

I'm going by myself today, but that's ok.  M had to work Sunday evening from 6pm-3am, then had to be up by 10:30 yesterday morning because he had picket duty for work from Noon-5pm, then he had to go to work again from 6pm-3am.  I'm sure he's beat & will sleep as long as he can today.

Me, on the other hand.....I'm so effing tired.  All.The.Damn.Time. It's getting old honestly.  I feel so lazy.  I could seriously just sleep all day long, get up, do some things around the house, eat & go back to sleep. Hopefully in the next month all this sleepiness will go away & i can go back to being normal.

non-creative brain

the past few days have been quite frustrating. year after year for our halau functions, i continue come out with the tickets for our events.  i get creative brain, i make something pretty & WAH-LAH.  this year, i cannot get my brain to focus or create ANYTHING appealing to my eye.

this is not the only thing that i'm lacking creativity in either.

my sewing projects have taken a halt while i was getting our house cleaned up & i went back to making bag for someone yesterday & i enjoyed it, however, the orders for the other bags still sit.  perhaps it's because i'm bored with it, with the look, with the style.  perhaps i could create something else...i'd love to, but it's just not coming to me at all.

*sad face*

i really think what's hindering me is:
a. all this house shit going on
b. preparing for my next house (painting, flooring, what is going where, etc)
c. deadlines (for ordering these tickets, for upcoming things)
d. my weight (this is a big issue)
e. upcoming events & my weight combined

lately i've been digging through pinterest non stop...the outfits, the home decor, etc.  the outfits though is the worst.  i'm trying to find an outfit for next friday (the 15th) because M & I are going to a techno concert.  he LOVES him some techno...always has since before we met.  and while half the people in there won't know their head from their ass because they're all high on whatever poison they snuck in there, i still want to look cute...for me, for him.  i am ALWAYS in comfy mode (yoga pants, sweat pants, zip hoodies, pull over hoodies)...i love to be comfy.  i'm most comfy, in comfy.  but i'm sure there's a way to be comfy & cute at the same time.  i went shopping this weekend & found this top...

it'll hide my stomach, i can probably wear a decent push up bra so the focus is there & not on my stomach & then i thought about wearing black leggings with boots. but then i'll be on my feet the whole time, so my go-to is always slippers, but slippers are so not cute.  ugh. wedges or something with a heel is a possibility, but i know i'll be drinking a lot, so i don't want to fall either. LOL

for awhile i've been wanting to go back to zumba. the biggest issue is that i don't want to ruin my morning/afternoon time with Ry.  we're good right now, she sleeps til whenever, usually 9-9:30, then we'll run our errands by noon (if any to run), do chores, etc. then by 1-1:30pm i start lunch because M wakes up around 2:15, we have lunch together, i get Nunu from school, we come home so she can do homework & i can get M off to work & then we leave by 4:50pm to open up halau.  that happens Tues thru Fri.  the zumba classes i'd like to attend start at 4:30 & end at 5:30. which sucks when hula starts at 5:30, unless i drop the kids off there to open the door for who ever comes there, but i'd rather not do that.  ugh.  i need to just find a class in the mornings.

and i need to do something because i'm going to mexico in october with my brother inlaws fiance & all her fricken beautiful bodied friends.  annoying. 

on my mind...

it's currently 8:35am & i am in that nice quiet space on the dining room table catching up on the latest news on fb, my fave blogs, etc.

my day has nothing planned other than laundry, cleaning house (not much to clean yay) & cleaning the oven...which i sprayed last week & forgot to clean it.  then i sprayed yesterday & again, forgot to clean it.  i should just leave the damn door open that way i'll hit my leg & can't forget.

i could start packing up some stuff here & there, but i don't want my house to be completely empty right now either.  it could be awhile before we hear back from the bank whether our offer was accepted but i know that before we know it, the time will be here when they say "yes, you have 30 days to get out" & then i'll be scrambling around trying to pack everything.  perhaps that's when i'm most productive, under a deadline & stress.

i have practice tonight & i really should go over the songs with someone before we start.  i've been in major slacker mode with all that's been going on at home & usually i just wait til uncle strums & then i just wing it until it all floats back in my brain again & then i'm good.  major slacker.  i have to get my brain together for hula camp next week which will surely leave me with a mushy brain.  but i'm excited for it too.

this weekend i have plans with the girls on saturday to hit up the new coach outlet at the supermall & then dinner at saya...YUM!!  M is surprising Ry with an evening to Yo Gabba Gabba.  better him than me. LOL  i'll be dropping Nunu off with my inlaws to spend the night & relax there without her sister.  on sunday, nada.  i'm hoping that last weeks sunday will be somewhat routine at least once a month in this household.  it NEVER happens here & it was amazing.  we didn't do shit.  all 4 of us.  i didn't clean.  i didn't cook.  everyone was pretty much left fending for themselves (of course had to make Ry lunch but Nunu just made extra & gave Ry some).  then Ry & I watched Lilo & Stitch & Toy Story 3 in my bed in the dark, while i checked my phone off & on & played Ruzzle.  then M came in the bed & watched the last half of Toy Story with us & decided he wanted to do a crab bake (crab, shrimp, potatoes, sausage & corn on the cob), so he & Ry went to the store, bought the necessities along with dessert & snacks, came home & cooked & then we sat around some more.  it was AMAAAAAAAZING.

well i should end here, i know Ry will be up soon & i should start the laundry. happy thursday!

where i am...

my last post was quite lengthy huh?  it was a slight purge but not quite the full out purge because i was still withholding & carrying some burden on my shoulders.  but since then, i've let go of that burden, released it from my brain & it feels nice & light.

about a month ago M decided he wanted to start his own e-cigarette vaping juice company.  if you're around the e-cig phenom going around, you'll know what i'm talking about.  i didn't realize how big it was til we went to hawaii & everyone & their mamas are "vaping" away.  at the swap meet, at starbucks, at the bars, etc.  since folks can't smoke indoors anymore, they've taken to vaping allowing them to get their same nicotine high indoors only it's not causing us any 2nd hand issues which is great.

so anyway, M wanted to start a company & who am i to say that he can't start his own thing?  i've done the photography thing & now the sewing thing.  i will be supportive as long as it doesn't mean it compromising work.  anyhoo, we talked, i supported, then he discussed with his brother who is quite the entrepreneur himself & he thought it was an awesome idea too & gave him ideas on how to start, etc.  in that whole mind frame, M decided that he should seek out a loan to start his company.  i am different & feel that you should try out the business with what little money you have first instead of jumping in a full money pit.  however, when he mentioned doing a loan, i freaked out a little.

ok. a lot.

without giving up my whole financial lifestyle, we just could not do that.  in fact, i went to my brother inlaw & poured my heart out about how....yes, we went on vaca. yes, we have a great house. yes, we have the things necessary to live, but we just couldn't do a loan right now.  after about a 2-3 hour lengthy discussion with him, we decided that maybe it was time to get out of our home.  in 2008, we paid $320k for our home.  today, it's worth $220k.  when we purchased it, we had $10k in equity & now we're $100k in the hole.  we couldn't foresee the housing market taking a big shit back then & honestly we ALWAYS talk about how we should've waited 6-8 months.  we would've been in a larger house for that amount of money.  so with that & the monthly mortgage of our home (over $2k), the thought of starting a new business venture for M...we decided to swallow our pride & sell.

like i said, this was going on since the week after we came back from our vaca. i've just been holding it all in.

at first, M & i were good with the decision, supportive, excited to "start over" financially.  find a home to rent, work on our credit for 5-7 years & go from there.  it definitely isn't anyone's business what we choose to do with our personal lives/finances, but i believe that i'm no better than anyone else & i refuse to lead people to believe that we go without problems.  in the first week of our decision, i knew that i wanted our parents to know.  not to bail us out or anything, but just for support.  so i told my MIL over dinner one evening & when i told her she gleamed with excitement.  strange excitement.  how could anyone be excited for us to sell our home?  well she said that she & my FIL were just discussing the day before about how they wanted to downsize because their house was too big for them.  all 4 kids are out on their own & they never see the bottom 2 stories of their home anymore....in fact, they turned their vents off down there & closed the doors because no one ever goes down there.  she said "do you want this house? we can rent to you & we'll go find a smaller house for ourselves?"

YES!!

i love my inlaws house. i've always loved their house.  it has so much potential.  i can understand that it doesn't look like the dream home by looking at it now, but it was my MIL's dream home & now that all the kids are grown she wants to have her smaller dream home & work toward retirement where they can go on the RV & run away whenever they feel like it.

their house - 4 stories.
top floor - master bedroom with full bath. 2 bedrooms. guest full bath.
7 steps down - living room, dining room, kitchen, front door access.
7 steps down - 2 car garage, bonus room with laundry room with back patio access.
7 steps down - basement with back yard access. 1 bedroom.

sounds big, but it's actually perfect.  that bonus room?  all mine....craft room with laundry room! YES!
the basement is finished & will be used for M's business ventures.

about 2 1/2 weeks ago, i rented a dumpster & we dumped a crap load of stuff.  purged this house of CRAP.  it was exhilarating.  on the last day of the dumpster being here, my inlaws came across a house, put an offer in on the same day, the offer was accepted the following day & the inspection followed the day after that.  TOO FAST!! on the day of the inspection, i had our carpets cleaned & then the house was listed 2 days later at around 3:30pm.  by 5:15pm, i had 2 appointments for 6pm & 6:45pm for folks to come check out the house.  YIKES!  the following day, i had 2 more phone calls for appointments at 4:30 & 5:45....then another phone call following that from my realtor.  we had an offer from someone that came in the first night. TOO FAST!!  actually both folks that came in wanted to put an offer in, but it was a matter of who got it first.  they offered full asking price at $220k & now the paper work & trail begins.

and here we are.

i should also write that on the 2nd day of the dumpster arriving, i worked up the nerve to tell my dad. i had been avoiding telling him for fear of disappointment.  old school ways are embedded in him....you buy a house & it's the biggest financial decision & you stay in it.  when i went over there, i purged  my soul to him & nana, i cried & was amazed at how nana was totally on my side & helped me tell dad that the housing market isn't what it used to be & it's almost better to just rent because there's no perks in being a home owner anymore.  YES!  so needless to say, it went well & that's all that mattered to me.

not many at my 2nd home (halau) know & i'm good with that.  they'll know when i need help moving. LOL

so the offer was drawn up not even a week ago & i'm preparing mentally for a move in the next month or so.  preparing for decorating.  preparing for sprucing up a home that has major potential beginning with new paint & flooring before we even move in.  it'll be awesome. my current house is so clean & uncluttered that i seriously struggle trying to find something to do.  i put my sewing ventures on hold a few weeks ago, asking my customers if i can get their orders to them in 3 weeks or so, which happens to be this week. I'm excited to start up, but don't want to make a huge mess. lol

well that's all for now.  hoping to blog a little more every morning since this seems to be prime quiet time with just me & my brain & my cup of coffee which i love love love.  happy tuesday.

daaaaaaaaaaaaamnit!!

ugh.

that's.all.just.UGH!

my brain is consumed by a lot.  things to do.  things that need to get done.  deadlines. time frames. traveling. organization. cleaning.  purging. hula.  balance.

balance.  that's exactly the issue here.  i'm having a hard time finding balance in my life.

happy,NEW.year!!

happy new year!!  another year to blog & i hope to be better at it this year than the year that just passed...

i left off with some gloomy shitty news, but guess what?  my trip was AMAZING then i came home, did my biopsies & got even more AMAZING news the very next day....NO CANCER.

FUCK.YEA!

of course leave it to M to say something horribly inappropriate following the good news..."soooo does that mean we get to hump more & make a baby?"

the word "hump" reminds me of a dog humping the leg of a human.  not attractive.

i reminded him that we should think about that because 9 months from now is october & we are going away in october.....to MEXICO!  holy shit balls.  i never dreamed of going there, never really cared to go there either, but since my brother inlaw decided he & his new fiance are getting married there, i guess we should go.  also just found out that M is in their bridal party.  kinda figured that anyway.  i think they thought it would be a small gathering with their closest friends, well they have tons of close friends.  reminds me of me & halau, we travel in herds & he's got quite a few ride-or-die's in his group of friends.  we just got word yesterday that my mother inlaw booked us a week in a timeshare unit, which is AWESOME! i asked her if we could stay where they do & that i'd pay her equivalent in points or whatever to stay, but she said no because she's got tons of points saved up & our stay is only something stupid like 2000 points for the entire week, which is GREAT!

i haven't told my dad yet that we're going because i really don't want to hear about how i should think about not going because of Nunu's schooling or it's out of country or how much it'll be, etc.  i just want to make a decision & be done & we did that already.  so it's a done deal.

having that trip set up makes me think that even though this year just began, it's going to be GREAT & full of exciting travel....

Feb - Travel to Oakland, CA for hula
Mar - No travel
Apr - Travel to Hilo & Honolulu to MM
May - No travel
June - No travel
July - Send Nunu to Fete in San Jose with the group
Aug - Hope to spend a weekend away with the halau
Sept - No travel
Oct - Travel to Cabo
Nov - Travel to Pleasanton, CA
Dec - No travel

so that's 4 trips so far this year.  which means i need to sell my bags/skirts/etc like hot cakes to afford it all.  however my Oakland trip is done & majority of my Hilo trip is using miles, which helps a ton.

so M & I discussed the baby making process maybe to be postponed until May or June...that way baby will be here in Feb/Mar.  i guess the only thing that would suck is if KHH is set for the following Feb.  but what can ya do?

looking forward to getting our tax return & M's vacation check.  bills need to be paid & some need to go away & i'm looking forward to 2013 being better financially, meaning saving money, spending wisely & being frugal & not over doing....even though i'm going away 4 times.  ugh.  lol

the crappy news

last post was about a life changing decision that m & i had made a few weeks ago.  to start trying for another baby.  i was ok with that after thinking long & hard about it.  why not? i have always been one to give m what he wants (not always, but for the most part lol).  i am satisfied when my family is good, my husband is happy & those that i love are doing well.

well the plan has been postponed & i'm not very happy about it.

yesterday i went in for a mammogram, ordered by my radiation oncologist last week.  it was ordered bc my last one in august was only of the right breast & we needed to see what was going on with both.  so i went in yesterday with intentions of taking a few pictures, waiting in the little waiting/dressing room for the "ok, all is ok, you can leave!" & then going about my day.  wasn't the case.

i did 2-3 pics of each breast, then was escorted to the little waiting/dressing room.  i waited for about 5min & the nurse came back & said "hun, we need to do more pictures" i said "really?? what side?" and she said "left" (which is the opposite of the one that had the lumpectomy).  so i went in & they did 4 more photos on the left breast, then the dr came in & asked for more on the right.  DAMNIT!  so they took 3 more on the right side.  after i was done, i was taken back to the dressing room to wait until the dr was ready to see me.  i sat there for a bit, re-evaluating what just happened & then got super pissed off.  when i'm pissed off, i cry. so sure enough, i started to cry.  the nurse came in to get me & found me crying, she hugged me & told me that this is what mammograms are for...to detect anything that may be not normal, then they check them out & most times it's nothing, but if it's something, they can get it taken care of right away.  she told me to grab my clothes & introduced me to another girl who was going to take me to do ultrasounds.  i got to that room & that girl gave me new tissues & asked me to lay down.  she talked here & there about my past year experiences & continued on her examination.  then the dr came in & said that she will take good care of me, that since my family history is so strong with cancer...any little new nodule that pops up from the original ultrasound in Oct 2011 will need to be biopsy'd.

turns out there's a new something on the left side AND the right side.

effff my life. :(

after that appointment, i called my bfff, my cousin, my MIL & my dad to spill the news.  i picked up ry from my SIL then headed home.

did i mention it was M's birthday? :(

ry & i picked up taco bell for birthday lunch & headed home where i told him my crappy news.  he didn't say much, just that we'll do what needs to be done & that it'll be ok.  then i picked up nunu at school, dropped her off at home, then headed for my next appointment.  that was with my surgeon & was just a follow up.  i told her about my morning & she said that we'll handle it in january & it'll be ok.

i was also told that i cannot try to have a baby until i have a clear mammogram.  so that sucks.

today i'm ok.  i was not yesterday.

i wished that it didn't go this way & that i can just work on expanding our family & get ready for our trip next week.  i will try to push this to the back of my mind & concentrate on having an amazing trip with my family.

spill my guts

it's actually just past midnight on wednesday night/thursday morning & ry is still awake watching mickey mouse.  i'm going to cut her off pretty soon & take her to bed.  we both had a decent nap today so its no wonder that she & i are both awake right now.  my nap was only about an hour or so, hers was i think almost 2 hours.  good enough to not have much of a melt down today....her not me. lol

so i thought i'd come here to spill my guts. purge my brain. like usual.

this blog was started when i got pregnant with ry...i think...i would assume since the title clearly states that i was preggers.  if not, then i don't know wtf was going on.  i never bothered changing the name, not sure if it was because i thought i had to change the url or what.  i just left it be...

so 2 weeks ago, i had a plate lunch sale right?  the day after my hula sis who had forgotten about the sale date, came over with her 2 kids to hang out & pick her plates up.  her youngest ended up taking a dive down my stairs causing a huge meltdown of tears & crying.  not long after, M came out of the room & she felt horrible, thinking that her baby woke him up.  he didn't wake M up, it was M's time to get up anyway.  so while she & i were chit-chatting it up on the dining table, he joined us & puffed on his e-cigarette while putting in his 2 cents here in there with whatever we were talking about.  at some point, he started asking her about her youngest..."is he a good baby? he seems so happy. he's so easy to please" blah...blah.  so then he busts out with...

"yea, i wouldn't mind having another....but she (points to me) doesn't want anymore"

um what?

i just looked at him, looked at her & talked about something else.  i ignored him & his comment...for a whole day & a half.  i was trying to figure out wtf was going on & it left me no choice but to ask him point blank.  so i did thru text the following night while he was at work.  it was like 11:30pm & i wrote...

me - "you busy?"

m - "not really.  what's up? is my baby driving you nuts?"

me - "no she's actually sleeping.  i have a question to ask you about something you said yesterday"

m - "uh oh....what did i say?"

me - "when Tishy was over, you made a comment about having another baby...what's up with that?"

m - "i wouldn't mind having another baby...we just don't have the space right now. nunu is too old to share a room & ry is too loud for a baby in her room"

me - "seriously? i thought we were done.  i thought it was a mutual decision.  i'm a little bit thrown"

the conversation went back & forth some more.  me just basically saying that i had to think about it because i just wasn't sure.  i had just planted it in my brain that we were done.  parts of me thought about having another, maybe because ry is just becoming tolerable...who knows.

anyway, the point of this is.....we are trying for another.  yep.  it's true.

only a few people know....our parents, my bfff, uncle, a select few of my hula sissys & my closest guy friends.  all of who are shocked.

a part of me has plans for the halau xmas party next weekend if by chance things have moved that quickly....we always play the white elephant game (we play where you bring items from your home that you don't want anymore & it always ends up to have some of the funniest shit sometimes) so my thought was to put a pregnancy test inside of the board game box "guess who?" everyone always opens up boxes because you just never know what'll end up inside.  in this case, i'll pick 2 numbers & bring 2 gifts...the guess who box & another gift.  that way i am covered when i pick my gift.  however, since i'm in charge of pulling numbers...i'll keep the last number & when it's my turn to either pick the gift on the table or steal....i'll steal the guess who box.

OR....i'll pick number 1, go first...then at the end of the game, i will get to steal the box.

OR....i'll pick a number & give M the last number & he steals the box which makes the announcement

OR...i'll scheme with someone...i'll take number 1, they will have the last number.  They will steal the box when it's their turn to pick which will cause an uproar....then i will have #1 & will steal it at the end. hmmm...i like this better.  but who to throw under the bus? one of the aunties?  one of the younger girls? can't be my bfff, bc she got fixed & everyone knows...but that would be funny as shit!

so yea....that's the newest news here in our house hold. yikes.

on another note, i have been wanting to do a scrapbooking project for about a year now & i'm thinking that i'm going to bite the bullet & do it for the new year.  to start on the week of xmas.  i may go & buy the kit to start tomorrow, along with some necessities to make it pretty.  i've followed one of my fave bloggers (over to the right, look for kp) who does the project life project...it is SO SO SO cool. she does a 2 page layout every week.  this is her week 40.  i just can't figure out if i'm supposed to print my own pics from my printer or get them printed at walgreens or target...i guess i could do either or.  i just want it to be beautiful & my printer isn't exactly the best.  we'll see what happens.

holy cow...

i can't believe that today is the last day of november.  one more month left of the year & poof...it'll be one.  time is flying right by us.

the past 4-5 days have been filled with sewing & hula...
  monday - ry went with my sister inlaw for a few hours while i sewed & prepped some goodies for kristy's holiday bazaar for work.  did laundry.  had our first khh practice.
  tuesday - sewed all day. did laundry. dropped off my first batch of goodies to kristy's work.  met my sister inlaw who was taking ry (along with her bf & his daughter) to zoolights.  went to halau.  went grocery shopping.  picked up ry around 9:30pm.  went home, M got off early, made him dinner.
  wednesday - met kristy in the morning to take her some items that i didn't finish up on tuesday.  went home, lounged. did laundry.  went to halau to take nunu to tahitian, worked with one of the new girls.  sewed 4 bags to add to the bazaar
  thursday - took ry to my friends daycare at 9.  met kristy to drop off the newest goodies at 9:30.  went to target to wander aimlessly, meaning to only get coffee & creamer...ended up spending $80.  oops.  lounged around.  took new orders. kristy came over to bring my unsold goodies (only one zipper pouch sold :( ) but she bought a bag & some zipper pouches, then i showed her the materials i had & she ordered more zipper pouches.  group practice for green river.  went to dinner.  came home & watched dvr shows with m, went to bed
  friday - today - i've been completely ok with sitting on my ass in this recliner all morning so far.  woke up at 7:20, took nunu to school, came home & ry was waiting for me asking to watch brave, so we did.  we had breakfast & now she's watching caillou & coloring.  i have khh practice tonight at 6.  i'm sure m is not working tonight, so i hope he'll be ok with me going to practice...sometimes he's just so touchy about it


so yes, as of lately i've been at halau 5 days a week. however, this week i had practice 3 of the 5 days.  this coming week though....i'll have practice 4 days out of 5.  whew.  BUT i'll be in honolulu for 3 weeks soon, so i think i can justify it fine.

i've been asked lately to help some of the other non-thursday girls review & what not...i try my best to be patient & so far so good.  i just can't continue to do it.  i feel bad about it.  but i have a hard time teaching & having patience.  if they don't pick up quickly, then i get frustrated.  at this point being that it's only the first week of khh practices, i've got 5 songs in my brain for khh....then 2 songs & 1 oli for green river.  so far i'm ok, but as things start coming up & getting closer, i'll have a hard time trying to keep them straight along with formations & any additional questions or things that will come up.

speaking of upcoming things....

  This week 12/1 to 12/7  - get 4 orders out to folks (9 bags, 2 blankets, 3 changing pads)
                                       - khh practice on monday & friday
                                       - green river practice with group on tuesday
                                       - regular practice on thursday
                                       - finalize photo location for xmas photo shoot next weekend

  Next week 12/8 to 12/14 - get 5 orders out to folks (8 bags, 1 ipu bag, 4 zipper pouches)
                                        - xmas photo shoot on saturday morning
                                        - jingle bell walk/run on sunday morning
                                        - khh practice on monday & friday
                                        - green river practice/regular practice on thursday
                                        - fundraiser for matt on friday evening

  Week 12/15 to 12/21 - finish last orders & deliver
                                    - halau xmas party on saturday
                                    - laundry/pack on sunday, monday, tuesday
                                    - khh practice on mon
                                    - green river practice on tuesday
                                    - leave for honolulu on wednesday until Jan 8th

i'm a busy bee in the upcoming weeks so i think today i'll just relax & do not much of anything except for laundry, clean the kitchen & cook lunch.........then later head to practice. :)

happy friday!!

plate lunch sale fundraiser...

about a month ago i knew that i wanted to do a plate lunch fundraiser.  my hula sister did great with hers.  the only down fall i have right now is that mine is on black friday, where everyone spends tons of money & that it's later in the day.  my thought was they could shop all day, then come pick up dinner & go home...no cooking involved.  but as the weekend came to a close, i realized that maybe it wasn't such a great idea after all & that maybe i should either cancel it, reschedule it or do it another day ALSO.  so we'll see what happens...

over the last week, i've been in touch with many folks trying to put together a fundraiser for Matt.  Matt is someone i met through the car club folks.  he's been in the scene for quite some time & everyone knows who he is. he's a big guy but is so so nice & super funny. about a month or two ago, i received a private message from Jess & Suzy (2 subie wives) who expressed concerned for Matt & his upcoming surgery.  i had NO CLUE what was going on.  in the message was a link to Matt's blog explaining that he was just recently diagnosed with thyroid cancer.  i was floored.  i had no idea.  of course i was flooded with memories of Mom & her first surgery.  i messaged him & expressed my thoughts & concerns & that i was here if he needed anything.  but i am not close with him, so for him wanting anything or any help from me was kind of far fetched, but i threw it out anyway. i told him about mom where mom's surgery was & who her surgeon was & blah blah. he had written back that he was going to his appointments by himself & didn't seem to be to concerned with all of the surgery & what not based on what the dr's had told him. he said his surgery was in redmond & was told it may be 2 days or so before he could go home. i told him that we had a team of folks to go with mom because it had become a lot to take in.  this past thursday, i got home from hula, took a shower, jumped on fb to find that he had updated his blog.  in it, he wrote that his surgery location changed....to the same place moms was at.  and his surgeon?  was the same surgeon as moms. and then i began to get jittery & anxious.  i was suddenly thrown right back to that day. the unknowing of what was going to happen in that surgery...thinking she was going in, going to be fine & we'd see her the next day a little below par, but ok nonetheless.  i was so wrong.  she was not in the condition that i thought i'd see her in.  instead, i found her with an incision from the left side of her neck, around the front, to the right side of her neck.  staples holding it together & a tracheotomy done...because the tumor had grown in to her windpipe & they needed her to breath on her own after cutting a piece of her windpipe out.  i was overwhelmed & wanted to so badly message Matt, but how could i....someone who doesn't know him that well...just say something like that?  i don't know where he is mentally.  i don't know if he's ok with that stuff or if he'd rather not know.  for me, i'd want to know all that was to come...whether it's good or bad, so i can mentally prepare myself.  i chose not to message him, instead i messaged Jess & Suzy & told them how i was feeling & asked for advice on whether i should say anything or not.  Jess messaged back that she thought i should tell him everything...Suz didn't reply.  i decided to refrain & let it all play out.  and low & behold, tonight his latest post says that if there's difficulty, he may end up with a trach.  ugh.

i became a part of the email group that went around gathering ideas for a fundraiser to help him out, since he is contracted through microsoft & his insurance is crap.  he will not get paid for his time off either but will be able to collect from fmla for about a week.  i think that since time is of the essence everyone agreed to the fundraiser that is posted on my fb page, but i feel like more could be done.  more could be raised, not just by donations from who shows up or the 10% that the place will donate from drink/food sales....but what can i do?  instead i decided to give half of what i make on my plate lunch sales.  i could donate all of it, but i'd really like to cover the cost of the food at least.  if the half that i get covers the food cost & that's all...i'm totally ok with that.

anyway, off to beddy by....hoping ry will be better tomorrow.  today was kind of rough & i have no patience. maybe i'm just pms'ing bc i should be getting my period soon. lol